The only thing I hate more than flying is flying with Ryanair! Lets recap…
It starts with actually booking your flight – once you’ve been sucked in by the seemingly cheap prices and then agreed to the ridiculous levels of tax that they throw on top its time to pay. Paying by credit card will add an extra £12 on top of your total – WHY??!
They then try to make you pay even more by asking the following (all of which they will charge you for)
Do I want to take an extra baggage (that’s a whole other blog post)
Do I want priority boarding?
Do I want confirmation by text message?
Do I want to choose a seat?
Do I want to take skis or any other awkward sized carry on items?
Do I want travel insurance? With this one when you choose no they make you click a button that says ‘no thanks, I’ll take the risk’ Maybe I have my own insurance dumbasses and the only risk I’m taking is flying with you!
Once you’ve said yes or no to these you are finally allowed to pay. Upon payment they then try to get you to book cars, hotels etc through them – just no!! I am a big girl, I can find my own transport and hotels, ram it!
Man, I’m exhausted and that’s just booking the flight. Onto the next part. When you go to check in online (which you must do unless you want charged £40 for inconveniencing them into checking you in at the actual airport) you need to give them every single detail on your passport even though they barely glance at it at the airport – you are then subjected to all of the questions above once again. Kill. Me. Now.
At the airport…
I just want to make a quick observation about the airport and not Ryanair – why am I allowed to take a lighter in my hand luggage but not a bottle of sealed water?? That makes no sense! Anyway…
When its time to board, the queue is split into priority boarding and normal boarding. As a nice lady at the airport yesterday pointed out – why on earth would you pay extra for priority boarding? So you can reach your uncomfortable seat 10 seconds before the rest of us and pay £20 for the privilege – no thanks.
The crew then turn into maniacs looking for oversized bags – they actually go up the queue with that stupid bag sizer thing making people stuff their hand luggage in to ensure it fits – taking it too far surely? I’ve since been told that if they ‘catch’ someone with hand luggage that doesn’t fit they get to charge them £50 of which they get a percentage – swines!
On the plane…
It goes without saying that the seats are uncomfortable – they also don’t have the little pouches on the seats infront that have magazines, menu type things inside. You get nothing!
My safety demonstration was quite concerning when they announced that my lifejacket could be found under my seat OR in the panel above my head. Why are you giving me a choice? Just put it somewhere and tell me where it is – if we’re going down I don’t want to be dicking about under my seat looking for a life jacket that isn’t even there!!
After the take off its back to their favourite game of making passengers spend money – during the 50 minute flight I was offered each of the following at least 3 times…
Scratchcard?
Magazine?
Newspaper?
A raffle ticket?
Smokeless cigarette?
Energy shot?
Car hire information?
All read out by cabin crew walking up and down the aisle saying it every 5 seconds. Nightmare!
Now, if you’re on a flight that lands on time you get the pleasure of hearing a trombone playing a happy little tune (and by happy I mean highly irritating) and announce that well done – you have arrived on another on time Ryanair flight. Why are you proud of this – surely this should be standard, no?
Maybe I’ll start bringing a trombone to work and blowing it in my boss’s face each time I make it in on time – although with my recent record I’d be as well just leaving it at home!
Anyway I digress, my flight being late last night was almost worth it for not having to hear that stupid tune – yeah I’m home half an hour later but I beat the trombone suckers!!
